Maverick got up off of his knees and wiped his eyes and put the wreath on top of Goose’s gravestone. “Jesus, Goose. I sure do miss you, pal.” said Maverick. “I can’t believe that I’ll never again spread apart your hairy butt cheeks and gaze in stupefied awe at the horror that was your devastated sphincter.” He once again broke into inconsolable sobs and turned and strode off to his rusted shit-heap from the Miramar motor pool. Back at the base in the locker room, he ran into Viper who said, “Hey, Mav, you look terrible. Did you just get back from the cemetery?” “Yes I did. I still can’t believe that he’s gone.” said Maverick with his head down. “No offense, but I’m glad that he’s dead. From my perspective, if he were still around I wouldn’t have been able to slide into his spot as your boyfriend, and I would have missed out on the pleasure of repeatedly sodomizing you.” said Viper with a grin. “I wish that I could say that I see your point, Commander, but your fly is still zipped.” said Maverick. Viper immediately pulled down the zipper on his flight suit and unfurled his exocet missile as Maverick knelt on the pillow that Viper had placed on the ground in front of him. Viper leaned his head back and started moaning as Maverick went through all of the ancient intricacies of fellatio. Suddenly, the door burst open and Jester ran in with Slider close behind. “Have you guys heard the news!” screamed a very excited Jester. “Iceman is finally getting out of the hospital tomorrow!” said Slider, who put his arm around Jester’s shoulder. They both looked on patiently as Viper pumped a load into Maverick’s face and then handed him an official Top Gun hand towel so that he could swab his face. “Thanks, guys. Great balls of fire, Viper, you’ve certainly still got the stuff!” said Maverick. Viper could only nod his head and continue moaning. “Just give him a few minutes to get his act together. It’s like this all of the time now after he spoofs.” said Jester. “Aye-aye, sir. You were saying about Ice?” said Maverick. “Oh yeah right, he’s getting out early tomorrow! The surgery went really well and his recovery has been better than expected, so we’re going to get him tomorrow. Are you coming with us?” said Jester. “He really wants you to be there, Mav.” said Slider who heaved out three high pitched farts in quick succession. “Slider… you stink. And hell yes I’m coming!” laughed Maverick. The next day at the hospital, Viper approached the duty nurse and said, “My name’s Commander Mike Metcalf, call sign Viper, and we’re here to pick up Lieutenant Tom Kazanski, call sign Iceman.” “Oh yes, sir. He’s in recovery, right through those double doors. The doctor would like a word before you gentlemen go back to get him.” said the nurse. The doctor approached the four men and said, “Gentlemen, everything went spectacularly well. We increased his penis length from 4 inches to 13,” at which point Slider whistled, “and his anus has been completely re tuned and tightened. You’d be lucky to get anything bigger than a wet noodle in there now.” Jester laughed and said, “We’ll just see about that, Doc! We might be bringing him back again next week!” at which point all of the men laughed, shook hands and back-slapped each other. Viper gave Maverick a high-five and then fist-bumped Slider. “Let’s go get him!” said the doctor. As they approached the bed, they could see a whole team of beauticians surrounding Iceman. He was getting a manicure, pedicure, tooth whitening procedure, chest waxing and the barber was just finishing up with the highlights on his freshly clipped flat top. “Oh my god, hey you guys! I can’t believe that you all came!” said an elated Iceman. “We haven’t yet, that will happen as soon as we get your rebuilt poo-hammer and coal-chute back to the base!” said Viper. Maverick picked up the fouled bed pan and began eating part of the giant loaf that Iceman had crapped out after his veggie shake earlier that morning. “Oh man!” said the pedicurist, who vomited and then passed out on the tiled floor. Slider wasted no time. With the speed of an Olympic wrestler, he jumped behind the unconscious man and ripped off his Bermuda shorts while fishing out his pumped-up hog and held out his hand so that Jester could squeeze some industrial grade lubricant out of a gallon pump-jug. He hoisted the man’s hips up for a solid maximum torque angle, tested the wind with a licked finger, which made everyone laugh, and stuffed his schlub home into the dude’s asshole and began to hammer in and out as the rest of the beauty team scattered like roaches and Maverick pulled the privacy curtain closed. Iceman sat up in bed so that he could blow Jester who was standing on the bed in front of him spread eagled, and Maverick mounted Viper in a reverse cowboy formation in the rocking maternity chair. The moaning became so loud that one of the orderlies who was unable to stop them grabbed a fire extinguisher and pulled the curtain aside to empty the whole contents onto the gyrating pile of men. Viper stood up and wiped the foam off of his face and grabbed the rolling I.V. tree and started bludgeoning the orderly, as Iceman utilized the distraction to pull Jester down and strangle him with his own belt which he tied into a noose. Jester started to expectorate foam, but it only blended with the fire extinguishing agent, so it went unnoticed. Iceman was laughing maniacally as Jester’s eyes bugged out of his head as he finally died. The men got themselves together and called for a gurney so that Jester’s remains could be taken down to the crematorium. The buggered, unconscious beautician that Slider had ravaged had to be taken quickly to the ICU when his pulse flat-lined. “Let’s get the hell out of here, gentlemen.” said Viper. “YES SIR!” the men replied. Back at the base the pilots got seated in the pre-flight briefing room. Viper got up to the lectern and said, “Gentlemen, this hop is code named Iron Penis. The mission is to rendezvous with Flight Team Bravo aboard the USS Admiral Hogie aircraft carrier out in the Pacific and then scramble from the carrier once further orders have been issued by CAG Stinger. Gentlemen, this is the real thing. Dismissed.” The pilots ran to their planes as the siren began to wail. Maverick teamed up with Viper and Iceman had Slider as his RIO. As the canopy closed on Iceman’s cockpit, Slider farted very loudly before Iceman had time to put on his helmet. “You asshole!” said Iceman into the intercom. The planes took off out over the Pacific and flew to the carrier in tight formation, Maverick/Viper in front. As they approached the carrier, Viper got on the radio to Iceman, “Ice, you land first, and Mav and I will come in behind you.” “Nothing new there, you bull queer!” said Iceman as Maverick peeled out of formation. Maverick got on the radio to the ship, “Permission to buzz the tower?” “Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.” the tower replied. Maverick switched to the intercom, “Viper, I’m going to wake those boys up down there.” “Just hurry the fuck up, you imbecile, I accidentally crapped in my flight suit and my seat is soaked in urine.” “Roger that, Commander, I’ll expedite our landing.” said Maverick. He fired on the afterburners and swept the wings back full as he pushed the throttle all the way up. Unfortunately, Maverick misjudged the flyby and quickly realized they were going to impact the tower. “EJECT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! PULL THE HANDLE, VIPER!” screamed Maverick. Panic stricken, Viper pulled the ejection handles and they flew out of the plane just before it crashed full speed into the tower, completely obliterating it into a massive fire ball. Their parachutes opened, and they both drifted slowly down toward the flight deck which was swarming with fire teams heading toward the smoldering tower. Viper looked over at Maverick and gave him a quick thumbs-up. Maverick steered himself toward Viper and pulled out his service pistol from his belt holster. Viper’s smile quickly disappeared and he desperately tried to maneuver himself away from Maverick’s approaching parachute. Viper realized that Maverick had his penis out and that it was fully stiff as Maverick raised the pistol and fired point blank into Vipers face. His head exploded like a sledge hammered cantaloupe, as Maverick dropped the gun into the Ocean and veered back on course to land on the ship. Viper’s headless corpse fell into the Pacific and green anti-shark dye started to form a cloud on the water. Maverick landed to a hero’s welcome. After disconnecting his parachute, Iceman ran up and lifted him into the air. “I heard about what happened to Viper. I can’t believe that you need to go through it all again, but just know that I’m here for you. You can be my crank-blower any time.” Iceman said to cheers. “Bullshit, you can be mine.” said Maverick as they began to kiss on the fiery ship.